We're knee-deep in application paperwork.  Is it odd that I'm happy to be filling in mine and Eric's social security numbers over and over?!  This is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to what is coming with the homestudy, but it's a start.  It just feels really good to have a plan, and be acting on it.

We've started telling a few people here and there about our plans.  So far, people have been taking the news really well.  Not that I expected anything different, but it's good to get the initial awkwardness behind us.  The more we talk about it, the more excited we get.

We're hoping to finish up all of the application stuff by the end of next week.  Then it will take some processing time, and once our employment verifications and references are back we can start moving on to the home study!

Pre-Application Meeting

I wish there were more to report!  The first meeting with the social worker went well.  Eric and I got a lot of answers for questions that we had, and we got the initial paperwork.  There are pages and pages of stuff for us to fill out.  There is so much involved.  I'm not really feeling overwhelmed by it - just excited to get moving. 

The social worker was so nice.  She was very patient with all of our questions that probably seemed pretty redundant and remedial to her. 

Now we need to get started on the application paperwork and come up with a financial plan.  That's the toughest part.

Tomorrow....

Tomorrow is our first visit with a social worker.  It's more like a pre-application meeting, a time for us to ask a lot of questions and get some more information to think about.  I'm pretty excited, since this will be the first "real" step we're taking toward adding to our family.  I have a list of questions ready to go and I'm sure I'll think of more as we talk.

I feel really calm about this whole process, which is odd for me.  I'm excited, but not afraid.  We still haven't figured out how to pay for everything, but we'll find a way.  We're going to start selling a few items that we don't need, and we're cutting back on some of our expenses.  It's not a lot, but every little thing adds up.  There's always the possibility that Eric could get a second job also.   I hope it doesn't come to that since we already both work all day, but we'll do what we need to do to make this happen.

Everything else is pretty typical around here lately.  Work, daycare, church, and dance lessons are taking up the majority of our time as usual.  The girls are really getting excited about getting their recital costumes.  They are going to look so adorable!  I'll probably go overboard with the pictures, but you only get your very first dance recital once!

This morning Kera wanted to take her sister's Leapster in the car.  I told her no, and then she stops her little foot and says "Ah, Barnacles!"  I about died laughing.  I think she's been watching too much Spongebob!

Kids Say the Darndest Things

So we've started introducing the idea of adoption to the girls.  They both seem very open to the idea of getting a little brother or sister.  Kaylee wants a brother, but Kera wants a sister.  Kaylee did have a little concern though.  Our conversation went something like this:

Me:  Are you excited about getting a new baby in the family?
Kaylee:  Yes, but what if our house gets too full?
Me:  What do you mean?
Kaylee:  Well, if we get a baby, then when I have a baby there won't be enough room for all of the babies.
Me:  But the new baby will grow up and be a big kid like you.
Kaylee:  But what if he doesn't?!
Me:  Don't worry.  We're getting a human baby that grows up just like you and Kera.
Kaylee:  Okay, then the new baby can help me take care of my babies when I'm a mom.

I could hardly hold the laughter back.  She is such a sweet girl.  When she's grown she'll be a great mother.  She's already a wonderful big sister!

Baby Steps

Sometimes you reach a turning point in your life. You know the kind of thing I'm talking about, like when you are trying to make a decision and you know that whatever decision you make is going to impact the rest of your life. I've experienced this many times. When I decided where to go college, what to major in, when (and whom) to marry, when to have our first baby, our second, etc. The list goes on and on.

Sometimes, though, these moments pop out of nowhere. You're just cruising along in life, going about your business, and something stirs inside of you. Then before you know it, you're at a crossroads.

And sometimes, it's more than that. You feel the stir and you try to surpress it. The overwhelming responsibility to make a decision is too much to bear, so you ignore the thoughts and try to make it go away. That doesn't work so well.

I find myself currently in the last of these categories. For years now, I've been trying to walk around this world with a piece of my heart missing. I have a wonderful, amazing husband, two fabulous daughters, and good career, and a safe comfortable home to live in. What could be missing? Why do I still feel empty?

A lot of thought and prayer has gone into answering this question. Many discussions with my husband, many tears shed. Many times asking God, "Why can't I be happy? What is missing out of my life?"

It eventually become apparent to me that I have more love to give. I have many blessings in my life but when it comes down to it, there is one that stands out above all the rest - My family. I want to expand my family more than anything. To watch my children grow to be these wonderful little people that they're becoming, to love my husband and grow together spiritually and emotionally - these are life's greatest gifts.

It's with these thoughts in mind that Eric and I have decided that we are going to grow our family through adoption. We've been researching, praying, debating, you name it....pretty much since Kera was born. We have finally decided that our family is not complete and we're going to complete it with the child that God brings to us.

We're so excited. We never thought we'd be in this place - to be thinking of raising another tiny little baby. We know the path will be hard. Harder than having our biological children, for sure. We're finally ready though.

We have literally just made this decision. It's been a long time coming, but now that we've officially decided, it just feels different. We still have more questions than answers. How are we going to deal with with ups and downs of adoption? How are we going to pay for it? How are we going to deal with having three children?

I don't have all the answers but I have faith that everything will work out. I feel at peace with this path that we have chosen. I'm ready to get started!