Baby Steps

Sometimes you reach a turning point in your life. You know the kind of thing I'm talking about, like when you are trying to make a decision and you know that whatever decision you make is going to impact the rest of your life. I've experienced this many times. When I decided where to go college, what to major in, when (and whom) to marry, when to have our first baby, our second, etc. The list goes on and on.

Sometimes, though, these moments pop out of nowhere. You're just cruising along in life, going about your business, and something stirs inside of you. Then before you know it, you're at a crossroads.

And sometimes, it's more than that. You feel the stir and you try to surpress it. The overwhelming responsibility to make a decision is too much to bear, so you ignore the thoughts and try to make it go away. That doesn't work so well.

I find myself currently in the last of these categories. For years now, I've been trying to walk around this world with a piece of my heart missing. I have a wonderful, amazing husband, two fabulous daughters, and good career, and a safe comfortable home to live in. What could be missing? Why do I still feel empty?

A lot of thought and prayer has gone into answering this question. Many discussions with my husband, many tears shed. Many times asking God, "Why can't I be happy? What is missing out of my life?"

It eventually become apparent to me that I have more love to give. I have many blessings in my life but when it comes down to it, there is one that stands out above all the rest - My family. I want to expand my family more than anything. To watch my children grow to be these wonderful little people that they're becoming, to love my husband and grow together spiritually and emotionally - these are life's greatest gifts.

It's with these thoughts in mind that Eric and I have decided that we are going to grow our family through adoption. We've been researching, praying, debating, you name it....pretty much since Kera was born. We have finally decided that our family is not complete and we're going to complete it with the child that God brings to us.

We're so excited. We never thought we'd be in this place - to be thinking of raising another tiny little baby. We know the path will be hard. Harder than having our biological children, for sure. We're finally ready though.

We have literally just made this decision. It's been a long time coming, but now that we've officially decided, it just feels different. We still have more questions than answers. How are we going to deal with with ups and downs of adoption? How are we going to pay for it? How are we going to deal with having three children?

I don't have all the answers but I have faith that everything will work out. I feel at peace with this path that we have chosen. I'm ready to get started!