Monday, April 26, 2010

Now what?

The profile books are done!  I've spent weeks making  5 exact duplicate copies of scrapbook profiles.  It was a somewhat tedious, much more expensive than I anticipated, and stressful task.  But now that it's done, I'm a little sad.   Working on the books gave me an excuse to think about our adoption every day.  It gave me a reason to feel connected to this whole process and like I had  some  semblance of control over it.

I'm glad they're done, because it is another milestone behind us.  Maybe I just feel sad about it because we don't yet have the money to move forward.  We're soooo close, but it will likely be another 3 weeks or so until we can officially submit the next set of fees.

Yesterday at church there was a baby dedication ceremony.  I had forgotten that it was scheduled, so I was completely mentally unprepared.  I cried through the whole thing.  I feel bad, because it's not like I'm not  happy for the other families; I'm just sad that  pregnancy and childbirth can't be easy for us.  It was worse because the events of Friday were so fresh in my mind.

I'm also feeling a little guilty about Eric.  He's working so hard  to make this adoption happen.  We're talking 2 jobs, 70 hour work weeks.  He is getting worn out.  I just wish I could make it easier for him.  I'm trying to manage stuff at  home, but with my job and two kiddos something's gotta give.  I'm proud of us though; we're not fighting or arguing.  We're just too tired!  ;o)  Seriously, we've come a long way in our relationship over the last couple of years and we are 100% in this together.  That's a reassuring feeling.

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